True stories about family life

A few months ago I nearly made a decision that wasn't mine to make. It felt like common sense because for someone else, in a different decade, it was.

This solo episode is what happened when Carla Hoppe's two-column money exercise gave me enough distance to see my parents' financial scripts clearly, and to ask whether they still applied to me. Including what I actually decided.

This is a direct follow-up to my conversation with Carla Hoppe. Listen to that one here: https://shorturl.at/p4bww

Key moments:

00:00 The property decision that nearly wasn't mine02:28 Their money script became my money script04:37 The relief of making my own decision05:11 Why money scripts are invisible from the inside06:05 How the two-column exercise changes your decisions

Grief doesn't resolve. It just changes shape.

Dr Elia Gourgouris lost his mother when he was 22. Her last words to him were simple: don't worry about me, I just want you to be happy. He spent the next four decades finding out what that actually meant, first as a therapist who nearly worked himself into the ground, then as the man now known as the happiness doctor.

We met at the World Happiness Summit in Cascais and talked through two tools he uses most with his own clients: a self-forgiveness exercise that starts with a literal list, and HOT conversations, a way of setting boundaries with the people who drain you without becoming someone you don't recognise.

His self-forgiveness exercise, in his words:

• Write down everything you haven't forgiven yourself for. Five things or fifty, it doesn't matter.
• Rate each one from one to ten. Most things you think are a ten are closer to a seven.
• Start with the easiest one and work through the list.
• When you're done, burn the paper.

"It's so worth it. Do it as a gift to yourself. You will be unburdened."

Key moments02:52 His mother Petrula: diagnosis, loss and her last words07:52 Becoming "the happiness doctor"11:27 What keeps us unhappy12:36 The self-forgiveness exercise16:19 HOT conversations: setting healthy boundaries23:21 The secret to a happy marriage26:02 Don't procrastinate your happiness

This episode is part of my matrescence series, on the mothers who raised us and what they leave behind. Catch the rest of the series here: https://tinyurl.com/2c6e4rhr
More from Dr Elia Gourgouris: www.dreliagourgouris.com

If this brought something up for you, I'd love to hear it in the comments - if you feel comfortable sharing.

#selfforgiveness #hotconversations #familypatterns #matrescence

Leah fell in love and a few months later found herself living as part of a blended family of three young children... during the pressure cooker of COVID. No pregnancy, no precedent, and resources that mostly said: just detach.As part of our Matrescence series, Leah and I talk about what it really means to step into a caregiving role you never planned for. The chaos, the identity loss, the powerlessness, and the darkly funny realisation that helped her understand why she was exhausted: if they were all stranded on a desert island, she'd be the first to go.We also get into human design, what it took to reclaim her sense of self, and the advice she has for anyone dating someone with children. What we talk about:— Stepmotherhood and the Disney archetype— The pressure cooker of becoming a stepmum during COVID— Why ‘just detach’ is terrible advice for a natural nurturer— Identity loss — The desert island moment and what it taught her— Healing through somatics and Human Design — What she'd tell anyone dating someone with childrenFind out more about Leah's coaching work on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fleischner908/ Purchase Matrescence by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1

What money behaviours did you inherit from your family — and are they actually yours?

In this episode, Anna is joined by Carla Hoppe, a former solicitor and founder of Wealthbrite, a financial education business working with UK legal professionals. Carla's family roots span Holland, India, Canada and the Falklands.

This is a story of understanding yourself, by understanding those who came before.

We also talk about financial heritage and the way we are given scripts we never examine. Hers led her back to the Dutch famine and fears of scarcity.

Carla shares a simple but powerful exercise — mapping your financial heritage in two columns — to surface inherited patterns and understand which ones still serve you.

Anna does the exercise, discovering the very different money personalities of her parents and the tension she carries.

Topics include:

• How generational trauma (war, famine, displacement) shapes financial anxiety
• Moving from money awareness to genuine agency
• Building empathy for the people who raised you — and for yourself
• Having better money conversations in your relationships
• Breaking cycles without self-blame

A thoughtful, warm, and surprisingly funny episode about one of the great taboos.